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A Mom and Her 3 Kids

I have a son who is 11 years old, 32 and 14 months old toddlers both girls. When people around me asked if I would like to have another one, a boy perhaps I quickly said enough. Yeah, I had enough.

I believe in my whole life as a mother, I will always have the mummy guilt feeling. Just last night before bed, I feel guilty of not spending quality time with my boy. I know he is a big boy and can do almost everything by himself, I tend to let him be on his own. Play on his own most of the time, while I am occupied with my other 2 girls. My girls like to have hugging, story-telling and tickling session on our bed every night. When boy came into the room, he joined too. There's one time he just looked at us all playing together. He had this left-behind kind of look.

And that look makes me sad.

I told myself as a mother I failed in giving equal attention to my children. I wonder how do other mothers who have more kids handle this. I am the kind of mother who wants to be there, to attend to my every child needs. I want to have a unique relationship with each one of them. I want to be the perfect mother, when I know.. they just want their mother to be normal and listen. Don't make it so hard Fara!

I remember one day I totally shut him down when he was telling me about something while my youngest is pulling my leg. I feel bad. I went to his room and said I was sorry. And it made me feel really bad when he said, it's OK mom I know you're busy. I don't want this to happen when one day, he stops telling me about his day or he stops talking to me because I don't listen and give him the chance.

Maybe I should not think too much about this mummy guilt. It doesn't take me anywhere, right? I should act. Fast.

They said, spend time with your kids when you still have time. You don't know when will be your last or when they are married and have kids, you will miss the moment. True!

P/S: Chill dear self. Parenting doesn't have manual. Learn.
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